Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Japan: Postscript

So I never wrote a concluding entry to my summer in Japan. I meant to. But I never got around to it.

Tonight I needed to take a break from the other crazy (school) so I decided to revisit this thing. I still haven't mustered up enough--what should I call it--strength? sentimentality? narcissism? to read my previous posts. I lived it, why relive it? My first session back at therapy (couple weeks ago) my therapist asked me whether it was worth talking about what went on during the summer. I looked at him and said, no. I experienced it, for better or for worse, and I have moved on. At the time, I had just finished reading a book on Buddhist non-attachment so it not only felt like the right thing to say/do, but I also firmly believed it. But believing what you say vs. believing what you feel can sometimes be two different things. The one thing I did tell my therapist was that I didn't know if it [my trip to Japan] was worth it. I didn't say it wasn't worth it. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. I am kind of at a loss to make that judgment.

Do I still think about the summer? Yeah, I do. Not often, but at times. Sometimes in brief moments of idleness. Sometimes when a song comes on my ipod. And always when I see the scars.

I never really explained at length just how traumatizing some of the events that happened in Japan were to me. I choose not to go there because it takes me to a dark place that I don't have the time and energy for. Remember, I'm supposed to be writing--and completing--my dissertation this year. And if I get caught up in the maelstrom of thoughts and emotions that such recollections entail then it would take me way off track. Not saying that going off track is a bad thing (I'm trying to reduce the self-demoralizing value judgments I tend to impose on life), but going off track in the here and now isn't going to take me to where I want to go. At least at this point in time. Sound vague? Well, yeah! Intentionally so.

But for the sake of this blog, I will mention the hitherto unblogged about moments that I look back on in fondness and gratitude.

My crazy class. They were crazy! But you get a bunch of crazies together and sometimes it works. More often than not, it worked. Here's pic at the closing party:


My teachers were great, they put up with my crazy, especially all my crazy grammar pattern sentences about vampires, zombies, werewolves, and the evils of capitalism:



Chen-san was a great friend to me in Japan. She also put up with my crazy, over and over again. And the only person I've kept in touch with from two summer programs in Japan:


Meeting yet another world famous tattoo artist, Shige, and sounding like a blubbering fool in front of him. But with Chen-san's help, getting on his waiting list, only to realize that I kinda don't want to be on his waiting list:


Reconnecting with old friends:


Meeting new ones:


Appreciating the brevity of time and the shadows of what could have been:


Spending time with my brother in a different country and bonding in ways that may not have been possible elsewhere:



Seeing Buddha:


Experiencing moments of beauty that I attempted to capture even though we all know that such moments are never fully capturable:



So there ya go. The end to my blog about summer in Japan 2009.

But the craziness continues: LA, ethnographing, dissertating, job hunting, etc. etc. etc....

Crazy never ends.

But this blog does.

Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Day Forty-Six

Today was officially the last day of class (the remainder of the week is devoted to a final exam day, a final presentation day, and a one-on-one end-of-term evaluation meeting day). Since I have been (at least physically) present all other days of the term, I decided to spare my classmates and teacher my lousy mood and just stayed home. I ended up going into school afterwards though cuz I decided that I needed to see a doctor about the persistent boils. So they referred me to a nearby dermatologist where I had the nasty suckers lanced and drained. I was also prescribed topical and oral antibiotics for the infection. Luckily the doctor spoke English, but the nurse who did the draining was only semi-fluent. So my earlier embarrassment a couple weeks ago at the drug store (when I bought over-the-counter antibiotic ointment) wasn't all for naught, since having the verb "to pus" in my vocabulary came in handy today.

I realize that I have been carrying a lot of weight in my boils--a lot of anger, frustration, and stress--which both literally and metaphorically needed to be drained from my system. I hope the antibiotics work. I had the doc check for the dreaded MRSA since that's always a big concern in any kind of bacterial infection. I should get the results next week at the follow-up appointment.

By the way, yes, I do realize that yesterday's post was all sorts of crazy. And I yes, I do realize that I am a by-product of the very crazy that I blog about. I've never denied that. But there's a special kind of crazy that occurs in the mother-(or in my case, father-)land that one just can't deny. Apologies if I caused all one of you who reads this thing daily, any kind of concern. I'm still alive. Still a prick. And yes, still all kinds of crazy.

In other news, I have decided that dating in Japan is evil. Every date that I have been on since coming to this place has left me physically and/or mentally scarred in some way or another. I am not joking. I am serious. There's the crazy fucker who pretty much cemented the fact that I will never ever ever again consider an academic for a date. Then there's the New Zealander who brought on the boils (aka, the boilermaker). And then there was my date on Sunday who brought on the bug bites. I haven't blogged about him yet, so perhaps I will do a little of that right now before I get some dinner. He's a mixed Japanese-Portugese dude working in Saitama-ken and the date overall was pretty fun. But when we met up, he asked what I wanted to do and I replied, anything as long as it is in a cool (i.e., cool temperature) place. Then this guys takes me to the park in 100-degree weather. Who the fuck takes someone to a park when it's 100 degrees outside?? And what is up with Japanese gay guys and the park? That's where the boils came from!! I am officially swearing off of parks from this moment on. Anyway, the park was filled with lots of bugs who just had a field day on my flesh. I came home with 14 bug bites all over my arms and legs (and yes, I was wearing pants, not shorts--how those fuckers got in there, I dunno--but those are the only living things getting into my pants these days....well, unless you consider the bacteria that brought the boils. Fuck, I traded in boys for bugs and bacteria??!???!?) And as many of you know, I am super-sensitive to bug bites so I have big red welts on my arms and legs now. Japan is slowly but surely trying to kill me.

Anyway, I think this dude--Leo is his name, by the way--is really into me. He was really bummed when he found out that I was leaving in two weeks. When we said our goodbyes he had this really sad expression on his face like we were never gonna see each other again. So dramatic. Ugh. Ha, I'm one to talk!

Oh funny story: we had lunch at this Thai restaurant on the 4th floor of some building in Harajuku. Now I don't like PDA, and Leo was a bit guarded in his public gaiety as well, so we thought we'd steal a kiss in the elevator as we were going up to the restaurant. But midway through our smooch, we noticed that we were in a glass elevator facing the street, so everyone who happened to be looking up from the sidewalk probably saw us making out. So much for discretion!

Ok, I'm hungry. I'm gonna get some food. And I have a semi-date (maybe more just like a meeting) on Thursday. I wonder if I should cancel it. I mean, I don't think my body can take any more harm, unintended or otherwise, from dating Japanese....

Monday, July 27, 2009

Day Forty-Five

I can't do this anymore. I'm tired and I want to go home. SF, LA, whatever. Maybe home isn't the right word. I just want out of Japan. If my brother wasn't already scheduled to come visit me here at the end of the month, I would be changing all my flight plans to get on the first plane out of Japan once this summer program ends. I've even thought about slashing my wrists or jumping in front of a train, anything to be done with things. Those are my more dramatic moments, of course. (Hell, I'm gay, what the fuck do you expect?!)

I haven't posted a whole lot about the kinds of troubles I've been having here so maybe this post comes as some sort of surprise. It helps to laugh at some of the ridiculous things that occur in life. But sometimes you get so run down that the laughter stops and everything just shuts off--body, mind, your will to live. That's what happened to me today. I fell asleep doing homework and woke up around 4am. Got some work done before class, but by the time I left my apartment I was in such a foul mood that everything around me seemed trivial and pointless. I growled at anyone who stared at me and my piercings and/or tattoos (a regular occurrence here). And on more than one occasion I felt like yelling at the people in front of me on the escalator who were blocking my path. And this is all on my 20 minute walk to school. I hadn't even gotten into the classroom yet!

I was pretty fucking rude in the classroom today. I did not crack a smile in the first hour of class, despite my sensei's sunny demeanor. I'm tired of all the hierarchical levels of politeness and today I felt like saying fuck it. I got so irritated with one of my classmates that I pretty openly made fun of his way of speaking. His fault really, he was the one who called on me when he was leading discussion today. When I led discussion last week, I knew he wasn't interested in the topic so I respected his silence and let him be. You would think he would return the favor, but noooo, the fucker. Who the fuck cares anyway, I never plan on seeing any of my classmates again (except, of course, Chen-san). I just want this goddamn program to be done with. I can't stand seeing the same damn people everyday anyway. You get to know everyone quirks and idiosyncrasies, and what may have been cute and/or entertaining at the beginning, now just grates on your every last nerve.

I'm just so fucking tired of everything. It's actually a nice day to die. It's raining out, I have some beautifully depressive black metal on the stereo (Japanese band, Kanashimi), and I live in such isolation that I don't think anyone would really miss me. It would probably take a couple days to find my rotting corpse, most likely when I don't show up to the final or something this week. Anyway, whatever, I'm tired of talking to myself on this blog. I really don't know why I bother trying to keep this thing updated. Like most things in life it seems like such a fucking waste of time. I don't know if anyone even fucking reads this crap anyway. Most of you are pretty shitty about keeping in touch. So whatever.

Day Thirty-Eight

Since I am behind on blogging, I have to post retroactively. So these posts will no longer follow any logical numerical order.

I spent the evening of day 38 hanging out with my buddy Saito-san and his band Gate is Dope. Got to preview the workings of some of the sounds for the new record. I had fun and took a bunch of pics of them rehearsing in the studio. I posted them on photobucket here.

Here's a pic of Saito-san jamming on his bass. In case you are wondering, they play some really great doom sludge metal.


Afterwards, on our walk back to the train station, Saito-san explained to me how difficult it is to be a musician in Japan. The music industry is so highly regulated and controlled by huge corporations, trying to be an indie band just doesn't pay. You lose money touring, if you want to be featured in a magazine, you have to pay them in order to get something written about you, etc. etc. It's sad. But it also makes me really admire and appreciate those who try to keep it on the D.I.Y. Saito-san works full time (and in Japan, that usually means way more than what we in the U.S. consider full time) so the fact that he still pursues his musical passion is such a beautiful thing. Being around people like him forces me to reevaluate my life and what I choose to devote my time to. And whenever I get into that kind of introspective mood, I usually end up depressed about the choices I've made and the time and energy I've spent on things that, at the end of the day, really aren't that important to me. My therapist would say that getting depressed about it is counterproductive, that I should reflect on it and make changes accordingly. But y'know how that goes, easier said than done....

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Day Forty-Three

Damn, it's already day 43. One more week of school, which means final exams and final presentations. Fun!

This weekend has been a big museum weekend. Yesterday (Friday, Day Forty-Two) we went on a fieldtrip to the Tokyo National Museum to see the special exhibit on Ise Jingu and the Treasures of Shinto. The exhibit was really interesting. There was an old wooden statue of Buddha with really large stretched earlobes, and when my teacher saw me admiring it, she came up to me and said, "Look Honma-san, his ears are so big!" I laughed and replied, "Yeah, someday I'm gonna have ears that big too!" Who knows, perhaps I will one day reach enlightenment as well...but I'm not really holding my breath on that one.

The thing about the Tokyo National Museum is that they have in their collection an amazing series of hell paintings (地獄草紙) but each time I go there they are never on display. This is the third time I have visited the museum and the third time that they are not up. What makes it more frustrating is that they are scheduled to be on view starting in late August to early October, exactly when I will have already left the country. Oh what luck. Perhaps I am only destined to experience hell in person rather that in aesthetic form. *sigh*

But ironically, today (Saturday) I went to visit the museum dedicated to one of my favorite artists, the Kawanabe Kyosai Memorial Museum and they had a special exhibit of Kyosai's own hell paintings, which made me very very excited! If you aren't familiar with Kyosai's work, he is a master of the macabre, and his painting of ghosts, demons, and other hellish creatures are superb. The museum is rather small, but it holds so much great stuff and the paintings and sketches they had on display were excellent. Much more interesting than the last time I went two years ago, when they had on display Kyosai's work on beautiful women. Nothing against beautiful women, but c'mon, can they really compare to rotting corpses and sadistic demons laughing at tortured human figures writhing in the pits of hell? I think not.


Sunday, July 19, 2009

Day Thirty-Six

Today I met a really really cute boy. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Just thought I'd start out this entry with that statement just to ensure that you will read the entire post. Haha.

So the summer language program is quickly coming to an end. We only have two more weeks left, and the final week we have to give a 10 minute presentation about any aspect of research, academic or not. Since I am sort of pigeon-holed as the "tattoo guy" I suppose it is my duty to fulfill my obligations (oh how Japanese!) and give a presentation about tattooing. Since I don't want to just rehash my last presentation from two years ago (there are teachers who would probably call me on that--believe me, the thought crossed my mind!) I thought I'd present a brief case study of why tattooing is popular among a new generation of Japanese young people and what this says about Japanese society on a broader level. That's a fancy way of me saying that I decided to just interview a couple of my friends to get their thoughts about why they like tattoos and take pics of their ink for a powerpoint presentation. Which I tried to do today, but one of my interviewees had to cut the interview short cuz he was gonna check out a concert. Oh well. Maybe the "brief" case study will be even briefer than I expected.

So after the interview, which was pretty interesting---well, the parts that I could understand, at least...a lot of it was me trying to infer what they were saying since my Japanese still sucks. (Don't worry, I videotaped it, so I can slowly translate it more carefully later.) Anyway, after the interview, I hung around a while and just chatted with my friend, who works at Peace Maker. (Yes, same friend I blogged about at the beginning of my trip--see older post.) A bunch of people came in and out of the store, including this one really cute guy. Turns out he's a dancer (ballet and popping), speaks English (lived in NYC for 2 years), and is vegetarian. Oh man, so hot!! He's headed to Europe next year to dance, but we planned to hang out some time before I leave Japan. We exchanged numbers and email, so he better contact me!

In case you are wondering what happened to the strange rockabilly punk who kept inviting me to his apartment, well, the day I was supposed to head over to his place, he totally flaked. He told me the next day that he fell asleep, but even then, wouldn't you at least contact the person when you woke up and apologize? Suspicious behavior. My friend Chen-san--who is convinced that this guy likes me and wants to get into my pants--says I should be cautious. But I think that might be more her background in domestic violence work than any real threat that this dude poses. But what's funny is that he tried to get me to come over again on Friday but I told him I couldn't cuz of school. I asked him if Saturday works, but he said he was going to a festival with a girl. I asked if it was a date, and he said yes and sent me a pic of a girl with a lot of make-up on. Hmmm, is he posing as straight or just playing games? I can never tell with Japanese guys. (Not to overgeneralize or anything, just my experience.)

Anyway, now that I have met dancer dude, I can scrap rockabilly-punk guy and focus my attention on someone who *seems* a bit more sane....

Tomorrow, I'm headed back into Tokyo again (three days in a row!) to hang out with my friend Saito-san and his band Gate is Dope. They are will be composing some new tracks for their upcoming full length record tentatively scheduled for release early next year. I get to visit them in the studio to watch them rehearse. I'm excited, should be fun!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Day Thirty-Five

Just got back from seeing avant-metal-experimental-prog-math-noise band Zeni Geva live in Tokyo at the Earthdom. I was actually gonna pass up this concert cuz I was feeling kind of lazy and was in the mood for a nice quiet night at home. But I was able to fight off the laziness at the last minute and took the train into Tokyo. What did it was that Ruins drummer Tatsuya Yoshida has rejoined the group after 20 years (whoa) which coincides with the reissue/remastering of Zeni Geva's first full-length "Maximum Money Monster." So since I haven't seen Zeni Geva in a good number of years, and since I think Tatsuya Yoshida is a crazy fucking amazing drummer, and since they would most likely play a lot of the old material, well, that was enough to get me off my lazy ass and head into Tokyo. And I am so glad I did!!! Zeni Geva killed. The last song alone was worth the trip. Long, droney, repetitive, harsh, hypnotic...everything I love about metal. Methinks "Maximum Money Monster" will be on repeat on my stereo the next few days....

And again, yes, I've been neglecting this blog again the past week. Sorry. I just suck at blogging. Cuz in reality I hate it. But, I will be working on updating this thing in the next few days since a bunch of sorta of fun/interesting stuff has been going on. Or at least fun and interesting for me. So hold tight, updates are on the way....

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Day Twenty-Eight

Again, been neglecting this thing. Busy week, preparing for the midterm which I took today. Wasn't horrible, wasn't great. Just was. Funny, after the spoken part of the exam, my sensei asked what I thought of the class so far. I told her that I like the class but I find reading very difficult because of all the kanji (Chinese characters). She said that she photocopied Tanizaki's story about tattooing for me because she thought I would really like it, and that she would give it to me to read next week. And she also asked if I'm usually a pretty quiet person, since I hardly ever talk in class. I said yes, and then she said that she figured that was my personality, since it seems like I knew what I was doing in terms of the class. This is funny because most of the time I *don't* know what I am doing in the class, which is why I am so quiet!! I just happened to speak up the other day when one of my classmates was giving a presentation cuz I felt like his argument about pop culture was a bit reductionist and a little too overdetermined in regards to the seemingly totalizing effects of globalization and so-called "free"-market capitalism. But then I remembered, oh it's summer, so I pulled back and imagined vampires and werewolves fighting in a planetary deathmatch and wondered which side I would join. But just as in graduate school in the States, my silence seems to be often interpreted as thoughtfulness rather than stupidity. I wonder what it is about me that gives off such an aura. Cuz really, it's really more a "duh, i dunno" kind of silence than a "hmmmm, i'm deep in thought" silence. *shrug*

Also, on Wednesday, I was in Tokyo in a record shop in Shinjuku, and randomly met a cute guy. He was the one who initiated the conversation with me. An inked up, rockabilly punk guy. I would post his picture up but perhaps that's not really appropriate. (Email me if you want to see it.) He seems nice, but also kinda weird. But then again, I am in the land of crazy so perhaps that's to be expected. For instance, at one point he was looking at the tattoo on my arm and wanted to see the entire thing. So I pulled up my shirt sleeve to show him and then he started fondling me somewhat inappropriately. I didn't really know what to think of this so I sorta ignored him, pretending that I was deep in thought looking through the record bins. After record shopping was over, we walked to the train station together, and he showed me the cover of the record he bought, and was like, "This is so-and-so's wife (some member of some band), I bet they have sex every night." I was like, "What? Huh? How do you know that?" It was really weird. Who says that to someone they just met??! Anyway, we've been texting each other for the last few days. He invited me over to his place on Sunday. I am not sure what to do about this. Again, he seems nice, but a little strange. And as many of you know, I am in the midst of my desert journey, so I don't plan on getting any action anytime soon. If he wants to just hang out, that's great. But I am not looking for anything more than that. I am pretty happy in the desert right now!

Anyway, that's about most of the interesting things going on lately. I am headed to a butoh dance performance tonight, which I am super excited about. It's a pretty famous troupe called Dairakukadan and they are performing a work entitled "The Hole." I'll report back on whether it's any good. I'm sure it's gonna be great!


Saturday, July 4, 2009

Day Twenty-Two

Yesterday (Friday) we went on a class fieldtrip into Tokyo to the National Theatre of Japan to watch a Kabuki performance: "Ya no Ne" and "Fuji Musume." I dozed a bit during "Ya no Ne" (the one featuring the dude with the big hair holding the big arrow), but "Fuji Musume" was absolutely beautiful (featuring the "lady" holding the purple wisteria blossoms who dances elegantly around and around on stage--"lady" in quotes cuz all roles in Kabuki are performed by males).


Sorry couldn't take any pics inside the actual theater. They are pretty strict in making sure all cell phones are turned off so as to not disturb the performance. But here's a pic of this bad ass statue in the lobby of the theater. It looks like the costume on the statue is made of cloth and the wig made of hair, but when you get close up, you realize that the entire thing is made of finely chiseled wood. The pic doesn't do it justice.


Today I hung out with a New Zealander by the name of Haya who lives and works in Japan. We mostly just chilled in Yoyogi park, people watched (esp a cute Japanese boy playing volleyball), and chatted about our experiences regarding--among many other things--dating Japanese guys, being "foreigners" in Japan, being non-white in our respective "home" countries, etc. It was a really great conversation, good company, fun times. We planned to meet up again soon to try out a vegan restaurant somewhere in Tokyo.

Afterwards, I browsed around Kinokuniya bookstore and wandered into the manga section, where I saw this really awesome poster:


If you can't tell, that's supposed to be Buddha and Jesus hanging out together, and the caption above reads "Laughing but saving the world." Basically it's an ad for a recent comic called "Saint Oniisan" (or "Saint Young Men") and the premise of the comic is that Buddha and Jesus are roommates and have adventures in the modern world. I found this to be very very funny, as I tend to find a lot of sacrilegious things very very funny, so I picked up the first of the three issues and am very much looking forward to reading it!

Then I noticed a bunch of signs reading "Boys Love" comics and to my surprise found a large section of homoerotic male-on-male love stories. To make things even more bizarre, the section was only being perused by teenage girls. For some reason, romantic love stories between men (of varying age groups) is a really popular genre of comic books for young women in Japan, otherwise known as "yaoi". I think I will investigate this genre a bit further. As of now, I am content with my sacrilegious Buddha and Jesus comics. Though I may have to venture into the "Boys Love" vampire romance series sometime in the near future. It's a slippery slope I tell ya.

Speaking of vampire loving, a new TV series starts up here next week, called "Devil Love ~Vampire Boy". It looks cheesy as hell, which means it might be really great!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Day Eighteen

So trying to keep this blog updated is a bit of a hassle, if you haven't already guessed by now. Which is why I don't write everyday. On the plus side, though, my weekdays/schooldays are usually pretty monotonous and uneventful, so that if I do find the time to write during the weekdays, I can just catch up on what went on earlier in the week/end, cuz I think that might be more interesting to hear about than my frustrating class experiences and severe lack of Japanese comprehension.

Last Sunday (the day after I posted my previously long ass post), I had what appeared to be a failure of a day. I headed to the Kanda district of Tokyo, the area which has all the used book stores. I located a copy of an out of print book called "Oni no Kenkyu" (lit. "Demon Research" or "Research on Demons") which I wanted to pick up. It's about an hour and three transfers to get there from Yokohama, so it's not the easiest of trips to get there. Something told me I should maybe abort the mission for the day cuz the weather forecast called for heavy rain, but I really wanted that book! (Not that I can read it or anything, but still...) I got lost trying to locate the bookstore, and I must have passed it about 5 times before I realized that you have to go into another store to get to the store I was looking for. Oh Japan and their address system. As luck would have (my luck at any rate), the store was closed for the day cuz it was raining pretty heavily. Stupid me, I should have called ahead before going all that way, cuz really, who goes bookshopping in the pouring rain??? Especially rare book shopping!! *sigh*

What's funny is that I owe an obnoxious European tourist for inadvertently helping me find the store. I was lucky to have an umbrella on hand to get some shielding from the rain. But a group of tourists (I am assuming they were tourists since they appeared to be white, didn't speak Japanese, and instead spoke what sounded like some type of Eastern European language) didn't have any umbrellas so they were getting drenched. But what really kinda irritated me was that one of them actually stole someone else's umbrella! In Japan, it's common practice to leave your umbrella in the umbrella stand outside the shop so that you don't get anything wet. (I know this is pretty common practice in the States too but Japanese people take politeness to a whole new level so that's there's never any suspicion that someone might actually steal your umbrella.) I just thought that was such a fucked up thing to do, to take someone's umbrella when it's pouring outside. I know that I probably commit a whole lot of faux pas here in Japan (like walking and eating, I'm definitely guilty there!) but I at least try not to do anything that will negatively effect someone else. Anyway, the store where he stole the umbrella was the store I was looking for! So at least the asshole helped out in that respect.

Anyway, after my failed attempt to get that book, I headed to Shimokitazawa to confirm the sublet I will be renting for when my brother gets to Japan. At least I was able to accomplish that much. Then I headed to Musashisakai for the Battle of Disarm show which I have been anxiously awaiting since arriving here....

So once I get to the club, they tell me that Battle of Disarm won't be playing because the bassist couldn't take time off of work!! Arrrrgh!! I was so disappointed. Another failure! But I came all that way, and I got a free ticket to the show, so I figured I would just make the most of it. There were five bands on the bill that night, and the first three were kinda just, eh. But the last two were great so I ended up having a good time. Here's some pics of one of the bands, Amour, which were celebrating their demo release:




The lead singer was awesome. She seemed like a pretty chill person when she was hanging out while the other bands were playing, but once she got on-stage, she was crazy, in a good way. Kinda made me think of all those assumptions and presuppositions that the guy I hung out with on Saturday was blurting out from his diarrhea mouth--if I cared enough (I don't), all I had to do was drag him to a show like this to prove to him that things, including people, are just not what they appear to be at times. Simple lesson, which I hope he learns with age. But I'm tired of wasting time and space on him, so moving on....

Here's pics of OldDickFoggy, who are one of my new favorite things to listen to. They were sooo fucking great. I picked up their 7 inch, and I guess they are in the process of getting their full-length cd ready. I really hope to see this band again soon...




So even though Battle of Disarm didn't happen, it was still a great show. And Battle play the last Sunday of every month, and I was assured by Ryuji that they will be playing at the end of July. I will keep you all posted about whether this will happen....

Oh, and by the way, I ended up just ordering the book online and had it mailed to be, which would have been cheaper and less hassle, had I done that originally. I actually received it today and it looks great. Not many pictures, but looks like it would have a lot of really good information. Now if only I could get my reading level up to par....

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Day Fifteen

Oh, I hate politics. But I just can't seem to get away from it. The last two days I've encountered people who say some really strange, hypocritical, and obnoxious things. For instance, in class yesterday (Friday) one person gave a 3-minute speech about the current crisis over North Korea's threat to launch ballistic missiles, and a 15 minute discussion ensued afterwards regarding US and Japan policy about how to handle the situation (ok, too many scare quotes to be found in this sentence, so place them leisurely at your will...) Now, my Japanese isn't anywhere near good enough to sufficiently participate in such a debate (nor is my knowledge of East Asian politics) so for most of the time I was content to sit back and just listen. But I got really annoyed when one person in class just flippantly called Kim Jong Il "irrational" as if that explains EVERYTHING. Ummm, maybe it's just me, but I don't see how the pathologization of a single individual replaces a more sustained critical analysis of the complex histories regarding Japanese colonial ventures in and around Asia, U.S. foreign policy and its own imperialist interests in East Asia, whatever internal and external political divisions that are going on in the Korean peninsula, etc.etc.etc. that, y'know, may just happen to also inform the current state of affairs between North Korea, Japan, and the U.S. I mean, I'm not defending Kim Jong Il whatsover, but all I'm saying is that mmmmaybe it goes a little deeper than just the kind of sensationalistic fearmongering that passes as legitimate news that we see so much of in the mainstream media. My contribution to the discussion was a simple, "What do you mean that he is irrational?" One other student, who is Taiwanese, followed up by saying, "Well, isn't your (i.e., U.S.) former president Bush also irrational?" Everyone in the class kind of had to laugh in agreement to that one. Really, it was kind of a pointless conversation, but kudos to the student who gave the initial speech for making us learn how to say things like "Cabinet Legislation Bureau" and "defense policy division of the Liberal Democractic Party Policy Research Council" in Japanese. I will be generously peppering all my future Japanese conversations with these useful phrases. Also, I must say that I am grateful for having two Taiwanese students in my class, who are able to provide some much needed insight into our conversations that tend to get a bit too heavy into a U.S.-Japan dichotomy.

This incident wasn't really a big deal, but it just confirms my decision going into this program to keep all my conversations as light as possible. For instance, more examples of my practice sentence structures:
"After spending time with my friend the vampire, I too decided to sleep in a coffin every night."
"I thought to myself, wouldn't it be great if I could enjoy eating brains like a zombie."
"My friend was killed by a zomble, so I decided to avenge his death."
I have now successfully pigeonholed myself as the vampire/zombie/weirdo whose sentences are good for a cheap laugh. Yes.
And my three-minute speech is on Monday. I chose the oh-so-interesting topic of my vegan meal at Gaya (see previous post and pictures). And my friend Chen-san (one of the Tawainese students in the class) asked, "what no vampires??" To which I responded, "no, that will be my next speech." Now I just need to figure out exactly what about vampires I will be speaking about. U.S.-Japan vampire relations, perhaps??

Speaking of Chen-san, here's a pic of us in front of Soji-ji Temple, where we went on a fieldtrip yesterday. It was a bright sunny day out, and we, being vampires, could not successfully have the details of our faces taken by the camera.




Speaking of the fieldtrip to the temple, is it wrong that I find Buddhist monks really hot? Two years ago, the monk who gave us the tour of the temple was really hot. This year, we got yet another hot monk! What the heck??? Is being a hot young monk a prerequisite for conducting tours of the temple? At one point during the tour, he stopped and asked if anyone had any questions. Me, being so stealth and subtle, decided to try to take a quick snapshot of him to show you, the readers of my blog. Of course, no one had any questions, and the empty silence of his inquiry was broken by the loud *click* of my SLR camera. OOOOPS! The other students around me laughed at my indiscretion. I, of course, was really embarrassed. And for all the trouble, the picture came out all blurry!! Damn. But here it is. Use your imagination...


That said, I should say that I do really enjoy the zen meditation exercise we did. It made me think that I should pursue more meditation and maybe look into the Buddhist temple near my apartment over in Hollywood. The lingering trauma of organized religion (i.e., Catholic school) is still a bit too strong for me to go through with it though. But we'll see....

When the tour was over, I wandering over to the gift shop and bought some of Soji-ji incense, which the salesperson proudly pointed out was the temple's own original scent. So now my closet/apartment in Yokohama smells like a Japanese Buddhist temple. Hey, it's no Nag Champa, but it'll do!

After the temple, I headed into Tokyo to do some punk rock record shopping. I mentioned in my last post that I'm really excited about seeing Japanese anarcho-vegan crust band Battle of Disarm. Turns out the lead singer also operates a punk record store in Daitabashi called DIY Records. I headed over there and after not too much trouble located the shop:


I chatted with Ryuji for a while, and got a bunch of recommendations for various Japanese punk bands to check out and ended up blowing around 100 bucks in music. A lot of it was on vinyl so, again, I'm gonna have to wait until I get back to the States to enjoy it. But I did get a couple cds so I'm set for a while. Hopefully. And he gave me a complimentary ticket to the show on Sunday so I'm pretty damn excited about going to see Battle of Disarm live. Whoohoo!


Here's some pics of the interior of the store.



There's something about being in such a small, somewhat cramped space chock full of records, tapes, posters, flyers, and anarcho-zines that just makes me feel so much more comfortable. I guess walking to school everyday and having to literally walk through two shopping malls to get there takes a toll on a person. (Maybe next time I'll take some pics of my daily walk thru the malls.) After five consecutive days of that back and forth, you begin to thirst for something, anything, that breaks up that routine. And so it was really nice being in an intimate space like the DIY record store, with someone who was quietly doing his own thing, staying true to his own politics, or at least trying to as best one can. I really appreciate that. So that's why I didn't feel at all guilty for spending so much money at this store cuz, unlike my trips to the grocery store or convenience store, I'm actually supporting a small independently owned operation.

So I started off this post with a rant about politics, so let me continue a bit further down that path, with whatever necessary digressions come along. So today (Saturday) I spent part of the day with my friend Ryan who also graduated from the UCLA Asian Am program and is in Tokyo right now conducting his dissertation research here in Japan on post-war Okinawan history. We had lunch at a restaurant in Ikebukuro and then did a bit of browsing in a large bookstore in the area. Afterwards, we chilled a bit in the public square, listening to some folkie singers who were giving a free performance there.


This part of the day was really fun and relaxing, and it was just nice to hang out with someone whose politics are pretty similar to my own. There's a certain comfort in being around someone who kinda just gets it. I mean, we hardly even talked about anything overtly political, a lot of our conversation was about Japanese TV (he told me there's a new TV drama right now called, "My mom is a new-half"--"new half" being the term used in Japan for someone transgendered) and we also reminisced about how great 80s post-punk is, how hot Siouxsie Sioux is, and how we grew up loving certain record labels (him 4AD and me Alternative Tentacles and Earache). And sitting on the next bench over, was this really awesome old guy who we both decided was pretty bad ass. He looked like some character straight out of a Japanese comic book. I again tried my hand at my stealth and subtle photographic techniques by pretending to take a pic of Ryan and instead focus on this dude. So click on the picture below to enlarge and see what I mean.


After hanging out with Ryan, I headed to Shibuya to meet up with some dude I had met earlier last week on the internet. This part of the day was not so much fun, and I'll explain why in a second. We decided to go for dinner at a vegan restaurant in the area. Our first attempt was not successful, since the restaurant he chose was no longer vegan. (I guess running a vegan restaurant just doesn't pay the bills sometimes...) So we headed to a different one around the corner called Vegan Healing Cafe. Enroute to the restaurant, he bombarded me with information about why he thought PETA was fucked up, and he cursed all the big SUVs that got in his pedestrian way, etc. Now, let me just say that in all likelihood this person's politics is probably very much in line with my own, but it's the way he expresses his politics that I find so fucking obnoxious. And a lot of our dinner conversation just annoyed the fuck out of me. So while we ate a relatively good vegan meal (with some great desserts at the end), he started complaining about how there's no radical queer activist groups in Japan. His background, by the way, is that he is from Ireland, moved to Portland with his folks, but has been living in Japan the last two years. So anyway, in response to his comment, I just offered that maybe there is some type of "radical" queer politics going on in Japan but that it is just something he hasn't been able to locate. He responded that he has actively sought it such groups and that none exists, and that the group that would be the closest thing to such "radicalism" wouldn't even let him join their group. Oh my god the nerve of them!! I politely suggested that perhaps they didn't feel comfortable with having someone who wasn't from Japan joining their group and that it was their right to decide who could join and who couldn't. He replied, "I can understand that to a certain extent....I guess," and then rolled his eyes as if to indicate his overt disgust and derision of a group that wouldn't want him as a member. Then he proceeded to tell me how behind Japan is in its queer theory and that queer theory is so much more "radical" and exciting in the U.S. academy. Me, being the kind of asshole that I am, allowed him to go on his long rant about how great queer theory is, without really mentioning that, um, yeah I kinda specialize in that field as well. And this guy is no fool, let me just say that. He is well-informed, intelligent, critical. He offered a really great class and race-based critique of the fallacies of gay marriage. But it's one of those situations where someone can say all these really insightful things but then turn around and be completely blind to his own imperialist imaginings about the "proper" way of being a "radical" (queer or otherwise). I mean, c'mon, do you really think that just because there's no overtly visible "queer radicalism" going on that it doesn't exist? For someone who does a lot of complaining about how Japan is stuck in the 90s assimilationist utopia of queer activism, he doesn't seem to get that maybe, just maybe, his own entrenchment in the politics of visibility (isn't that also an outdated paradigm??) doesn't allow him to "see" that there just might be more subversive ways of inhabiting your activism that just saying, 'yes, i'm here, i'm queer, get used to it?' That maybe the social/political conditions of Japan don't warrant the same form of "radical" "activism" around one's sexuality as that found in the States? For example, that maybe Japan isn't governed by the same conservative Christian stranglehold that would immediately censor an American equivalent to something like "My Mommy is a Tranny" to be aired on national TV? That maybe, his definition of "queer" "radical" "activism" (all scare quotes, mind you) isn't the universal norm and can't be so easily traced onto another culture/country of the world? Is that what your exciting, cutting-edge queer theory is teaching you? If so, well, maybe we've just read different theorists. Or maybe you're just an ass.

Anyway, I tried to be very diplomatic about this situation. And I spent most of the time just listening to him talk. It was one of those situations where I learned a lot about him, but I don't think he learned all that much about me. He wanted to hang out after dinner but I told him I was gonna head home cuz I'm not a night person (true) and that I had laundry to do (again, true). Of course, both those things could have been easily pushed aside if I was enjoying spending time with him. But either I'm a really good actor or he wasn't paying much attention, cuz he wanted to schedule another time to hang out again. I don't get it.

And by the way, that is pretty much how I decide whether or not I want to do something with someone: would I rather be sleeping? studying? doing laundry/cleaning the apt? If the answer is yes to any or all of the above, then I try to get out of the situation. And in this case, the answers were YES, YES, and YES!

So anyway, sorry to bore you with this long rant. But it just goes to show, you just can't win! You have fucked up people on one side of the political spectrum. You have fucked up people on the other. What can ya do really?

Oh, and another side note, for those who question why I refuse to go out with anyone in academia, there you have it, a prime example. I probably should have cut off communication with this guy once I learned he was in graduate school, but a certain someone (who shall remain nameless) encouraged me to pursue it. With no fault at all directed at that person, I decided I would try it out, but I should have known better. But whatever, it's done and I can chalk it up to experience. In case you are wondering, I did go home and do laundry, which is drying right now while I am writing this. I have also beeing listening to my new J-punk cds. So the night ended on a happy note.

I am now gonna fold said laundry and head to bed.
Remember to write me and keep in touch!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Day Eleven

I know, I know, I've neglected this blog for the past week. My apologies. Ever since school started, I've been busy trying to catch up on homework, cursing my language abilities, and/or feeling dejected about why I'm even here. Usually a combination of all three. That's one of the difficult things about learning a language. You feel so incompetent and frustrated that you cannot express yourself in a way that you are used to. In some ways its a really great challenge since it forces you to really clarify what exactly you want to say, and you realize just how much you take for granted the kind of shortcuts and imprecisions that you can usually get away with when speaking in your native tongue. I appreciate all that, but it's still damn frustrating and anxiety-inducing, and can make a person go mad. I got three hours of sleep trying to catch up on school work last night, and I still didn't manage to finish all that I had to!

So far the classmates are ok. It's only the first week so it's hard to say for certain, but everyone seems pretty chill, though I STILL don't understand why everyone likes Haruki Murakami. Seriously, Japan has a long and varied literary history, and to have it reduced to him seems kinda ridiculous. Anyway, his new book 1Q84 is evidently a literary sensation over here, selling out in all the bookstores and such. It's supposed to be some spin off of Orwell's 1984. (Q, or "kyuu", in Japanese means 9.) This does nothing to make me think any higher of him. We're currently reading an article about literary translation in class, and the author uses the work Murakami as an example. I guess Murakami translates American literature on the side, such as "Catcher in the Rye", and the works of Raymond Carver, F. Scott Fitzgerald, etc. The white American canon, wow how impressive. *snore*

Anyway, speaking of translation, I have yet to embark on the translation project, but I did take steps today to start. I actually printed out a couple pages that I want to work on this week. Ok, so I still need to find the discipline to actually sit down and work on it, but I figure that will come. All in good time.

Oh here's funny anecdote, sorta. So whenever we learn new grammar patterns, we have homework in which we have to write sample sentences to show we understand the usages. Now, I usually take these sentence-writing exercises as an opportunity to amuse myself by writing something silly or morbid or whatever. Well, today we actually went around the room and read our sentences aloud to everyone in class! Everyone was reading sentences about the weather or studying Japanese or going to see a movie, etc. And there I was saying things like, "Because capitalism enslaves everybody, I couldn't help but cry" and "Since humans really aren't very interesting, it's best to die and come back in another form." Fortunately, I think everyone was just tuning each other out, since we all share a collective anxiety about reading/speaking in class.

Anyhow, enough talk of school!!! If you couldn't tell by the tone of this post, I'm feeling a bit better about my time here. Still a bit homesick and still missing easy access to vegan food, but I remember now why I love being in Japan. Music shopping here is fantastic!! I have a hard time controlling myself, as I mentioned in my last blog post.

Some of the goodies that I got recently:
The Cure's "Faith" (possibly my favorite Cure album) Japanese vinyl edition for 6 bucks!
Amebix "The Power Remains" on vinyl with gatefold sleeve (8 bucks!)
For a little taste of home, check out these 7 inches that I found, both under 10 bucks:



Also finding some great Japanese stuff. These two records are long out of print:
Zeni Geva "Maximum Love & Fuck"
Envy "Angels Curse Whispered in the Edge of Despair"


Of course I can't wait to get home and listen to these "treasures" (as Go calls them). Speaking of my crazy roommate, he told me he couldn't make it to Japan this summer cuz he is having too much fun record shopping in LA and has spent so much of his money on vinyl that he realistically cannot afford to come to Japan right now. Haha. I'm sure he's enjoying my absence and has set up permanent camp in the living room in front of the turntable.

I also saw a poster for this upcoming show in Tokyo:


Fuck yeah, a doom metal fest!!

Also, vegan anarcho-crust band Battle of Disarm have been playing a series of shows this year, with one scheduled this coming weekend. I'm not exactly sure where it's gonna take place. I guess I have to email them for info...in my horrible Japanese. *sigh* (Brock, if you're reading this, hopefully they'll play a show while you're here in Japan!)

For those of you in the States, specifically in California, the amazing tattoo artist Shige, who is also based out of Yokohama, just released a new book on through San Jose's State of Grace/Horitaka's publishing company. Shige is on a book tour and will be at Canvas LA on June 27. You folks in LA should go and check it out! Shige's work is incredible and I'm sure it will be an amazing event. I wish I was gonna be there!! I'm very tempted to pay the $250 for the new book!! (It's "research" right??!) I've been trying to get on Shige's waiting list but it's 3 years long, and he only comes to the US like once a year. I was planning on visiting his shop while I was here in Yokohama, but he's over in California right now. Oh the irony.

Finally, in case you were wondering, I'm still cooking a lot at home since the idea of going to a Japanese restaurant and trying to explain being vegan is still too daunting a task to overcome. But I found out that there's a vegan restaurant over by Yokohama station which I might try this weekend.



Next time I'll try to post more pics from Yokohama. I haven't been carrying my camera around lately cuz we're in the midst of rainy season and it's been pouring everyday. (Hot, humid and wet, yuck!) Today's the first day in the past week that's it's been sunny.

Ok, time to hit the books....

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Day Five

Japan brings out some of the worst in me: an exponential materialism, especially for music; the tendency--if not actual desire--towards depression and isolation; distrust and disgust towards white people, which oftentimes extends to all people in general. Of course these are things that I carry with me in the states. But it is so much more amplified here. Or at least it feels that way.

I'm tired and need to sleep off these feelings. So while I was planning on a much longer post, recapping the last two days' adventures in various used record shops around Tokyo and Yokohama, I think it best to just get some rest and call it a night.

It's funny though. After spending over a 100 bucks on music this past two days (see above re: materialism, told ya so!) the only thing I really needed was the one cd that was the cheapest in the bunch. The 5 dollar scratched-up bargain bin copy of Rancid's "Life Won't Wait" cuz it reminds me of home.

"Easy, you know it ain't easy
Got to make a decision
Got to learn to say no, no no..."

Monday, June 15, 2009

Day Three

I got a new Japanese cell phone. Too lazy to take a pic at the moment so I'll just do that later.

(Ha, it's only day three and I'm already tired of this blog!)

I also signed up for a one-and-a-half month gym membership at the local Gold's, upon advice of Sharon, who wisely said that "imagining you doing yoga in a tiny little room with your foot constantly kicking the crockpot does not make me feel happy for you." It's true, my room is too tiny to do yoga--let alone any kind of movement faster than a slow crawl--unless it's the type that doesn't require any type of lateral extension. What's funny is that the employee who signed me up remembered me from two years ago! I was like, really?? She said she remembers my big piercings. Large gauged plugs is still a rarity in Japan, evidently. (Last time I was here even my teachers asked that I remove my plugs so they could take pictures of the big holes in my ears...) Luckily, when signing up for the gym this time around, I didn't have to go through the full body inspection to evaluate my tattoos like last time. I would think if the employee remembered my piercings she would also remember my ink. But maybe she thought it would just be easier to strategically avoid mentioning it. After all, on the questionnaire form I had to fill out for new members, she told me how to answer the yes/no questions, even though the form they gave me was in English! For example, one of the questions is "Do you have any health problems in the past or at present?" She said, answer NO. But who hasn't had any health problems???! Anyway, whatever, at least she made the process painless and non-humiliating, so I thank her for that!

One of the things that I was thinking about as I was walking to and from the gym was how living in a different country really messes up the daily lifestyle choices that you make at home. Especially the small, yet not insignificant, ways we try to maneuver through the politics of everyday life. For example, back in the States, I try to support small independently-owned businesses when I can. But here in Japan, I buy a lot of things in the big corporate retail establishments. Lame, I know. But it is most convenient. (That's how they getcha, huh?!) I thought about this as I passed through Noge-cho and saw this small veggie grocery store run by an elderly couple. I remember this store the last time I was here, cuz it is located right next to Horiyoshi's studio, and I was happy to see that they were still in business despite all the economic issues in this country. So I thought to myself, I should get produce here instead of the big grocery store by my apartment. I decided to pick up some of their lotus root on my way home. Unfortunately, I got sidetracked by used CD shopping and by the time I got back to the store they were closed. Argh! Next time...

So that's my life in Japan. Carrying around a new corporate mobile phone. A new corporate gym membership. Some food from a corporate grocery store. Man, this is depressing me. Even the damn CD I bought today is on Sony. *sigh*

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Day Two

Spent today hanging out in Tokyo. First stop, visited a buddy of mine who works at this clothing shop in Shibuya called Peace Maker. High end t-shirts with tattoo-inspired designs. Really cool stuff but on the pricey side. They collaborate with a lot of Japanese artists and musicians, and the guys who work there are all big tattoo enthusiasts. They flipped out when I told them I got some ink from Grime. We showed off our new ink and took snapshots of each other's tattoos. He has a sleeve-in-progress being done by Genko in Nagoya.



One of the other guys who works there has sleeves-in-progress by Shige, another artist who I really want some work from. (But who also has a 2-3 year waitlist!) I didn't get a chance to snap any pics of his sleeves but next time I will. He has a cool Tibetan theme going on with his tats, including an image of the Dalai Lama!

Afterwards headed to Shinjuku to meet Akkin, who I've known now for over 13 years (damn!) We met while I was studying in Fukuoka back in '95-96.

While I was waiting I bought some snacks at Muji. Bittermelon chips and apple chips:


and washed them down with some plum-apple juice:


complete with a little pickled plum at the bottom:


Then Akkin treated me out to a really great vegan-friendly organic macrobiotic restaurant in Yoyogi-Uehara called Gaya. The meal was prepared beautifully and tasted amazing.

The tofu karaage tasted so much like the real thing (fried chicken) that it kinda freaked me out!


Renkon (lotus-root) steak was delicious:


Tofu skewers was also really yummy:


Finally, assorted desserts, since Akkin shares a love for sweets as well.
Strawberry parfait, chocolate cake, sesame soy ice cream and blueberry cheesecake, all vegan!


If only I could eat like this everyday!!!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Day One

First full day in japan. Funny how it's not as miserable as i thought it would be. But then again, it is only day one. and I haven't started school yet. and the bad things tend to stick in your memory a bit longer than you'd like anyway. Give me another week then I'll start the bitching. cuz by then I would have probably exhausted all my food options and I'll be craving a vegan cobb salad or soyrizo burrito. But I'm gonna try not to think about that at the moment.

Spent most of the day running errands and trying to get the closet that is called my apartment in order. I think pics are more fun than reading text. So here ya go.


That's 6,086 yen (about 60 bucks) worth of groceries right there. All (hopefully) vegan, except for the green tea flavored soymilk which I think has shellfish-derived calcium (why?!?!) and the mini choco-croissants (y'know I cheat on desserts!) We'll see how long I can avoid the dreaded dashi (fish powder). And here's the meal I made for dinner:


Tofu and orange bell peppers sauteed in a garlic miso sauce, with brown rice.
How did I manage to find the space to cook a meal in my closet? Well, I spent the day trying to disassemble the bed that was taking up 75% of the room. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, especially when it comes to building/unbuilding stuff, so it took me a while to figure it out. But I was determined! And finally I got it done. Don't have a before pic, but here's the after....


And not surprisingly I injured myself in the process. The pliers slipped while trying to twist off a nut and twisted my right thumb instead. Yay internal bleeding!



I also renewed my membership at the video/cd rental store and borrowed a really bad single just because I think the actor on the cover is yummy. It's some theme song for a TV drama, a mediocre track not worth talking about. So let's just stare at MatsuKen's picture instead. See the huge scar that runs down one side of his face??? HOT!!!!!

Tomorrow I head into Tokyo to see a buddy of mine and show each other our new ink. Then gonna hang out with an old friend to catch up (i.e., talk about boys, or the lack thereof....)

Ok, off to bed.